We all know what happened to Anthony Weiner. He is the latest in a long line of PR disasters in our government and at this point, in the context of the 24 hour news cycle, Weiner is considered old news and the junk-slinging mud slinger is no longer allowed to prowl the halls of congress. However, there is one person we still have to hear from, and to this point, Anthony Weiner's Weiner has kept everything under wraps (rimshot). Fortunately I was able to speak with Weiner's Weiner's publicist and he expressed his clients desire to not shrink from this story and bring this issue to a head (Bam, was that too much? Am I just stroking my own ego now? Shit! Sorry I can't stop they just keep coming. Ok, I'm done).
Tony?! Hey Tony? Your wife has been talking to Hillary Clinton for ten days. Hillary Clinton! We should probably get out of here now. -Thoughts from Weiner's Weiner
Wait, what? She's pregnant? Oh, we'll call that one my bad. -Thoughts from Weiner's Weiner
Mom did you see me on TV? I told you I'd be a movie star someday. I know you don't like the gray suit but I think it looks good. -Thoughts from Weiner's Weiner
Well at least this will free me up so I fulfill my dream of being a professional cock fighter. Wha'd you say Tony? Roosters? Are you serious? God dammit. -Thoughts from Weiner's Weiner
Tony what do you want for dinner tonight? My vote's tacos (had to do it, too easy). -Thoughts from Weiner's Weiner
Brett Douche Bag Favre
I don't understand how Brett Favre can feel good about himself. It's true he won a Superbowl. But if he were to die tomorrow that would be at least the fourth thing mentioned on his epitaph behind traitor to an entire fan base, inventor of the term sexting and "may not actually be dead, he hasn't decided yet". His decisions the last five years seem to make no sense if he has any concern about general respect and admiration. Maybe he isn't concerned about those things. If he's not, here are a few more things that may have crossed his mind over the years.
I wonder if I could play in the Canadian Football League. Hmm they better have Wranglers in Canada. -Thoughts from Brett Favre.
Oh man I feel bad for Christian Ponder, I better text him a picture of my penis. -Thoughts from Brett Favre.
I can't believe how many people I fooled into thinking I'm some guy named Caleb Hanie, that name doesn't even sound real. -Thoughts from Brett Favre
Man these new ipad 2s are great for taking pictures of my penis. -Thoughts from Brett Favre
If I could do it all over again I would do the exact same thing, just with more pictures of my penis. -Thoughts from Brett Favre
Five Fast Thoughts
There are officially more Fast and The Furious movies than Godfather movies. That's right, Paul Walker and Vin Diesel have manged to unseat Marlon Brando and Al Pacino. How this managed to happen I have no idea. Below are a few thoughts from those involved with the franchise that may shed some light on how this all happened (but probably won't).
Transformers was a pretty good movie but that Michael Bay guy is a little subtle for me. -Thoughts from Justin Lin, Director of Fast Five
Man I wish I had the same kind of acting range Keanu Reeves does. -Thoughts from Paul Walker
The Rock says fuck acting range, check out how big and shiny my arms are. -Thoughts from The Rock
Vince McMahon sure is getting tricky with these WWE back stories and ring entrances. And why is RAW in Brazil? Fuck it check out how big and shiny my arms are. -Thoughts from The Rock.
What? -Thoughts from Vin Diesel
Bonus thought: The Rock says know your role and go to the videos tab and check out the short film "The Ghosts". If you don't The Rock is going to turn that sum bitch sideways and stick it straight up your candy ass. -Thoughts from The Rock.
Shaqfu
As the best center for the Boston Celtics, Shaquille O'neal has been asked to do a lot this year. Unfortunately for the Celtics this has taken a major toll on his body and he has currently been hurt for the entire playoffs. This is unfortunate for the Celtics but good for us because Shaq has been forced to keep himself entertained on the bench. Below are a few things that have crossed his mind during this time.
Man it is so god damn hard for me to text -Thoughts from Shaq from the bench
The only thing that would make this bag of popcorn better is a Kazaam back to back double feature -Thoughts from Shaq from the bench
Ha! Who the fuck let me make Kazaam- Thoughts from Shaq from the bench
I wonder if I could stand up all the way in Tom Cruise's house -Thoughts from Shaq from the bench
I wonder who could eat more popcorn, me, or a killer whale that only ate popcorn -Thoughts from Shaq from the bench
Rashard Mendenhall
If you haven't heard Rashard Mendenhall of the Pittsburgh Steelers decided to Tweet come controversial opinions regarding Osama Bin Laden and 9/11. If you haven't heard you can read the article about it here. Apparently Mendenhall has some thoughts about what really happened that day. Below are some more of his thoughts that didn't quite make his Twitter account.
Man I sure hope this Civil War stuff ends soon so we can get back to football. -Thoughts from Rashard Mendenhall
I wonder how many seasons Friends will last? -Thoughts from Rashard Mendenhall
I wonder if Michael Jordan will ever retire from basketball? -Thoughts from Rashard Mendenahall
It sure would be cool if they made a fourth Indiana Jones movie. -Thoughts from Rashard Mendenhall (boy was he wrong about this one)
I can't wait to play the Packers next week in Super Bowl XLV -Thoughts from Rashard Mendenhall
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